Adding my condolences on your loss, as well. I would help you if I could... I hope you are doing better in these months since your little one went to heaven. Please update your status, as I'm sure others would be interested to know that you're okay... Hugs and kisses to you and all your kids.
Please explain how you failed a random drug test when you were a commercial driver. You are old enough to know better than to use illegal drugs, and you should have protected your CDL. I am sorry for your situation, but knowing that you got caught with drugs in a random makes it hard to be sympathetic. The one that suffers the most is always the child.